New Years Eve 2011

I was looking back at my "new year's resolutions" for 2011 and realized that I mostly failed miserably. Maybe this is why people shouldn't make resolutions. Are they the same thing as goals? Clearly not enough action steps going on if so. I did manage to stay fairly active in 2011 in spite of a shoulder and neck issue that have nearly made it impossible for me to sit in front of a computer for more than an hour without locking up. But my writing, oh my writing, has been a source of avoidance for me. So many ideas, so many things to say...so little time. But if I'm honest, there are just a lot of reasons I avoid writing.
Not to be overly analytical about 2011, but it really was sucky in many ways. I think the tendency to wallow in self pity was pretty strong over the past year. Talk about an unproductive way to spend time. It really gets you no where. At the end of day there is a lot more to be positive about than negative. We are able to give our kids a tremendous amount of love, time and attention even if that doesn't come in the form of a beach vacation. And we have a loving and supportive family that has for the most part been blessed with incredibly good health (knock on wood). We have not joined the dark side of Republicanism which is always something to put on the plus side. And though there were a lot of things that I didn't do there are a few things worth mentioning that did happen:

• we hosted an exchange student from Ecuador who I'm pretty sure nearly froze to death in our 100 year old house
• we went ice skating at least three times
• we celebrated Ian's First Holy Communion
• we spent a long fabulous weekend visiting Dawn and family in Virginia
• we sent our daughter to Ecuador for two weeks in June
• we spent incredible summer days at the lake soaking in the Indiana sun and the freedom from obligations, cell phones, email and video games
• we spent long days and evenings at our pool making new friends and watching our kids three year old become a swimmer
• we watched each of our children get another year older, smarter and more challenging in their own ways
• we threw all caution to the wind and got a dog (we'll see if she's still around for the final 2012 post---the jury is still out)
• we cheered our "lake kids" to their first victory in the annual Cardboard Boat Regatta
• we defeated Senate Bill 5 in Ohio
• we had what always turns out to be the most beautiful Christmas ever

So I won't make any resolutions this year except to try to have faith, focus less on myself (always a good idea), and be truly grateful. And at this very moment I need to also try for patience because the two weeks I've spent with my kids over the break has just about sent me over the edge.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

Summer on Lake Tippy

July

Hot summer days. The lake so warm it felt like bath water; we soaked and swam for hours. We watched the Harry Potter flotillas pass by laughing at the Leaky Cauldron and being impressed by the Quiddich players aboard their decked out pontoon boats. Norah learned to swim this summer, fearless in the lake, jumping off the end of the pier and the big blue foam square. She swam out to the floating pier and laughed as she jumped in again and again yelling for us to watch. We ate ice scream at Peytona Bay and waited for the kids to come home from Camp Crosley, first the day campers then the all weekers. Ian and Nick got their feet wet with day camp while Norah and Mallory played all day. We caught up with Julia during the week hearing all about her days in Ecuador. We did a lot of nothing most of the time which is blissful.

It's weird how time at the lake slows down and speeds up simultaneously. The days are long, the sun shining bright at 6am and going strong until well after 9pm and yet the days still seem to fly by in a way that never happens in February. It always seems impossible that it could be dinner time, and bedtime is just an idea, one that we might get around to only after we've got as much out of the day as possible. There's so much fun to soak in- the talks around the deck, the cocktail cruises, the lake baths, the last daylight hour tube ride, the late night card games- that you never want to stop for meals or any kind of schedule. Everything and nothing is happening; children are growing, bodies and souls are re-energizing. An entire afternoon can be frittered away reading a good book or playing Lego's or adjusting the old ski rope to suit 3 year olds to 13 year olds. And yet it all seems so important, so necessary. It's as though we need to store these long hours of freedom for the fall and winter months that are so full of commitments. There are no obligations at the lake except laughter and kindness, picking cherries, chopping up the freshness of summer for a delicious meal or stopping to push a kid on the rope swing. These days of nothing and everything become the marrow we need to survive long after the summer's gone. And July is really when it happens. We've left behind the month of June with all the loose ends of a school year firmly tied. In July we are fully relaxed, we are not thinking about the months to come only about the day at hand; when to eat ice cream, what amazing meal we'll create out of fresh tomatoes and herbs, what boats are speeding by. These days help sustain us through those longer winter months that we know we can't stop from coming, but we don't need to think about now.

August

Birthday weekends, summer golf, food that never tastes better: roasted corn, lake linguine, Bitsy's rice and Judith's assorted pickled veggies. The annex has become the hub for corn hole, euchre games and late night dancing. Long into the muggy nights laughter reaches across the lake as we tell old stories about childhood and new stories about our children growing up on the lake. We sip wine that goes warm quickly and grab our glasses as kids blast by playing kick the can. Daddy Good Shoes has us in stitches with his stories and one liners, "whatever suits your fantasy." August brought surprisingly cooler temperatures and a long weekend filled with preparations for the cardboard boat regatta. We watched in wonder as the Dressing-Read Killer Bees boat defeated the two time champions, the Ace Torpedo to take home the big prize, $200, 2 seafood dinners and two foot tall trophy. The kids on the bay cleaned up winning the three of the top 4 prizes. It was a day we will never forget and will live on in their childhood memories as an unbelievable victory. Later we watched volunteers break the Guinness book record for the Worlds Longest Ice Cream Sundae. We all got spoons and took a big dent out of the over 200 foot long ice cream extravaganza. We rode the newly remodeled Dixie surprised at how much we enjoyed the hour long trek around tiny Lake Webster. August brought a new little being to Tippy in the form of a puppy named Maisey who seems to love the lake as much as her human counterparts. In August we squeezed the last bit out of those precious days before school started; visits to the Fort Wayne Zoo, swimming and soaking up the sun, potluck meals eaten at dusk, last Sunday nights on the lake.

September

Labor Day, festival Friday, early morning departure on Saturday. The biggest monster truck bouncer ever. Papa giving Evan a pie in the face for his birthday, lakeside football games, fishing expeditions, news from our departed away at college. Big front yard shaving cream battles and afternoon s'mores. We've decided the neighbor may never sell his lake house. Bundled up on Sunday as unusually cool weather made it feel more like fall than the end of summer. The smell of dying leaves already fills the air. There were tears as we packed up the fridge and cleaned the rooms, knowing it might be awhile before we all get back again. So we'll remember:

"dancing in September

never was a cloudy day...

say do you remember, dancing in September

golden dreams were shiny days"

June 7, 2011

The end of the year for some people is signified by the big ball dropping and a singing a round of Auld Lang Syne, but for me the end of the year is always more academic. The last day of the school year is a much greater mark of what I've accomplished working in an college setting and parenting two school age kids. It is the time that I reflect more on what went great over the past school year and where I fell short. It is June 15th today, officially half way through the month, and halfway through the year. I didn't get around to writing much, it seems my thoughts and my ability to get them on paper or online just don't always connect.
It was a rough year for me. Giving up more control of parenting decisions and being home less due to a full time work schedule was not an easy adjustment for me. I found myself feeling pretty bitter and resentful a lot of days. It isn't that I don't love my job, it's just that I missed my primary job being to care for my children, husband and home. Feeling like those areas were secondary in terms of time spent on them made me feel crappy. To be fair, John did a great job keeping things in order, signing forms, making sure everybody did their homework and practiced piano. There were lots of times that things fell through the cracks of course, we forgot girl scouts a number of times, emails were missed, and more than a few things were turned in late, but my guess is that happens in all families regardless of who works full time.
So my brain and spirit are now in full summer mode. I have a very reduced schedule over the summer and I have a lot of fun things planned for the family. Julia is spending two weeks as I write in Ecuador with a student exchange program. Ian and Norah are learning to swim (or swim better) and I am going to read a lot of books. We're going to the lake and taking a trip to Florida at the end of the summer. We'll probably do some dog sitting too and hopefully have enough slow lazy days that we're refreshed and ready to tackle a new school year. Norah will start preschool, Ian will march into 3rd grade and Jules will return from her trip with a new confidence and outlook on the world.
For now, I am going to relax and try to be better prepared for how to handle full time work and full time parenting without feeling like work is outweighing my energy to have fun with my family. And I'll try to write more too....

February

It's actually March, but February lasted so long that now we're here. The past few weeks have been such an incredible whirlwind of experiences and emotions that I don't even know where to begin. Our lovely exchange student, Nadia, arrived from Ecuador on February 12th with her gorgeous, long dark hair and her shy smile. Poor soul. Who on earth would want to leave the beauty of Ecuador to come to Cincinnati in February? There are many nice months to visit Cincinnati, but February is certainly not one of them. It was blustery, rainy and cold most days, but we squeaked out a bit of sunshine and a glimpse of spring while she was here. The weeks were full of events with other kids and families who are also part of the exchange. We managed to take her to Graeters, ice skating, the top of Carew Tower, the Zoo, Build a Bear (don't ask me how much I'm out), Newport on the Levee, the Museum Center, the symphony, and to enough volleyball practices and games to make her head swim.
It is curious how having another child in your care makes you suddenly very aware of your own parenting choices, the issues that you have disciplining your children, and the expectations you have everyone around you. Though we tried hard to get it more "together" as a family while our guest was here, we mostly just fumbled along and trying to be loving and trying to avoid threatening our children at least within earshot of Nadia. What I learned most about the experience is that we really don't have enough down time. Partly I think we had an impulse to fill her days with visits to places we thought she needed to see, as though just being part of our little family for a few weeks was not enough. The end result, I fear, is that she may have come away thinking that American families spend a lot of time in the car going places, getting picked up from places and buying things, which sadly, we do. But the other part is that I think slowing down forces us to talk and to be patient and let some time go by with nothing on the agenda, all of which is a good deal healthier than always having somewhere to be and something to do.
Today, I spent some time thinking about what I'd do differently. I would just have talked to her more and helped her come up with the words she wanted to say in English, rather than filling her time with social activities and overstimulating gatherings of 5th graders. I would have worried less that she was "bored" and just allowed her and Julia to figure out more on their own about each other.
The visit made me think a lot about what my own child will be like staying with another family. Will I have the urge to call her and want to instant message her, like Nadia's family in Ecuador? Will my child be adventurous and try new foods and attempt to speak, however poorly, in Spanish? Will her host mother hug her after school and tuck her in at night? Will she make sure she has her hair washed and has clean underwear? Having Nadia with us made me think of all the ways that knowing that someone is seeing you for the first time challenges you to be a better person, to be more thoughtful about word choice, acts of kindness, smiles, and the importance of laughter.
So even though February is often the month I love to hate, this February truly was about love and friendship. I was too busy to think about how long February can be. Now I wish that I had a few more days. But we're marching on and soon to be "springing ahead" as we always do towards the future, towards our children growing older, and hopefully towards the sun shining on us, reminding us to slow down and take a peek at all those bright purple crocuses sticking their necks out into the world.

Play Dough Should be Banned

Every parent has had this thought after a run in with play dough. We have buyer's remorse in spite of how much our little beasties seem to enjoy this sticky mess. Really, not much separates play dough from chewing gum when you are a. trying to get it out of your carpet or b. scraping it off your shoes.
Our three year old got a ginormous play dough set for Christmas. We're talking ice scream maker, refrigerator with stuff to make little dough broccoli, Popsicle maker (thanks again, Santa). A day doesn't go by that she hasn't asked to play with her new play dough. I have taken to hiding it on the top shelf of the closet, but she spies it up there. I would honestly rather let her crack eggs in the kitchen than clean up after those dried bits of day-glo colored dough. It is right up there with glitter as the most annoying clean up project. You'll be finding pieces of dough in every room and on the bottom of every shoe and ground into every kid's socks and pants.
I move to make play dough an outdoor activity along with virtually all games played with a ball and nearly all meals. These other kid related activities should also be reserved for outdoors (or the neighbor's house):

• Popsicles
• juice pouches (just another word for squirt gun)
• glitter and paint projects (we're talking outdoor easel, folks)
• birthday parties
• tackle football (though we did play it indoors when I was a kid)
• any game that involves 100 pieces
• pogo stick (also not recommended for Christmas gift in December)

In case you can't tell, Spring cannot come soon enough around here. We're on our second snow day today!! Yippee! I've hidden the play-dough!

The Christmas Gifts that Do Not Keep on Giving

Now that I'm a few weeks out from the wrapping paper frenzy of Christmas morning, I can soundly reflect on some of Santa's more questionable choices for gifts this year in the Dressing household. Quite frankly, I'm appalled that Santa would even consider a few of these noxious toys.

1. The Kung Zhu Battle Arena. Really Santa? The Kung Zhu is basically a boy version of a Zhu Zhu Pet, but with plastic battle armour and a little hamster sized sword. The "battle arena" (picture a velodrome shaped plastic battle ground with about 30 flags that are strategically placed all around it). The flags are actually just placed all over my living room floor, and the battle only works if both Kung Zhus are wearing the armour. In other words, little sister's hamster doesn't quite work in the arena of death. Santa, please be a little more discriminating next year with that wish list.
2. The Fisher Price Sing-a-Ma-Jig Plush Doll. Apparently they harmonize if you get two of them together. Listen, if there were two of these dolls at my house, I'd be in a drink induced coma. This doll sounds like you have a stuck organ key playing over and over. Then just when you think it is finally going to stop talking, it announces, "Night, night." It makes Chucky look kinda sweet.
3. The Fisher Price Little Einstein Singing Annie Doll. Santa, are you seeing a Fisher Price pattern here? Put these guys on your naughty list. The singing Annie doll is a little like listening to the Sound of Music for 12 straight days. She even looks like the smallest Von Trappe kid. And the worst part is that you barely have to graze her before she starts screeching, "Sing my song with me, sing loudly, forte!" Well, there's another "f" word I can think of for Annie, but this is a family blog.
4. The 100 million piece Lego set. Honestly, I know they are supposed to be fantastic for kids, but anything with that many pieces is never going to be the same in our house after the first opening of the box. We can barely handle a 24 piece puzzle around here. I have found Lego pieces in my shoes, in my purse, coat pockets, in the mouth of the singing Annie doll (okay I was trying to quiet her down). And I won't even tell you how loud I sing when I step on one of those suckers.
5. The 2011 calendar chap sticks or any chap stick or lip gloss for that matter. Stuff that smells good and looks like a glue stick is going to wreak all kinds of havoc when a three year old is around. We've tried to convince our youngest that you cannot eat chap stick or use it to stick paper together, but she still keeps trying. And really, who can read those tiny little months on the tube? Is it leap year this year? I don't know, I can't tell if February has an extra day!!!
6. The 3-D drawing pad complete with 3-D glasses. Okay Santa, I know you were trying to be creative with the whole stocking stuffer thing, but that kept my son's attention for about 2 seconds. "Oooh, I drew a box. Oooh, it looks like a box that is slightly lifting away from the page. Huh? Where's that one million piece Lego set??"

So hopefully Santa will exercise a little more caution next year in making some selections for my little ones. I am making a mental note right now to write him my own letter this year....hope he has some 3-D glasses to read on this cool paper.

Happy New Year, 2011!

I was never so happy to say goodbye to 2010. It's weird how you need something tangible like new numbers at the end of the year to feel like you can really let go of the past and forge a little stronger and more clear minded into the future. Last year was just plain sucky. John's company closed in March, the economy seemed gloom and doom, and it felt like a series of broken appliances and car parts had come to plague our home. There were blessings, of course. I was offered a great full time job at my college, the kids are all growing strong and healthy, and for the first time in years, John has been able to spend a lot more quality time with our children (I hope this would also go onto his "blessings" list).
Still, it was a year that I wanted to put behind me. In many ways, I haven't handled the transition from part time worker/full time mom as graciously as my husband has handled sliding overnight into the role of carpool driver, after school parent and meal planner. It has been confusing to me and disorienting to let go of some of the "responsibilities" I felt belonged to me, namely taking children to the doctor, being home with them after school, taking them sledding on a snow day. I muddled along at work feeling a little grouchy that I was in the office so much and resenting the big shift from part time worker to full time faculty. So entering a new year for me is about changing my attitude. I am usually not one for new year's resolutions because I tend to fail miserably at them, but here are a few I intend to start and keep:

1. Write everyday. It may be on the back of a napkin or while I'm waiting for a kid at gymnastics, but I want to daily get my thoughts and ideas on paper. Who knows, it might just turn into something.
2. Be on time. Okay, stop laughing. This involves better planning, so maybe my resolution should really be about planning, but I hope the end result is that I arrive on time more often and get my children to their destinations on time.
3. Move every day. Could be running or walking or maybe just taking all 7 flights of stairs from the parking garage to my office. It beats medication by a long shot.
4. Be less critical, be more thankful. Less critical of my co-workers, my husband, my children, and most importantly, myself. More thankful of my gifts: good health, beautiful children, a loving husband, a charming old home, and plenty of fabulous books to read.

So Happy New Year to all my readers (all three of you!). I plan to keep you better posted in 2011, on time, and with plenty of thankfulness.